An Unheard Letter.

While cleaning out my "sent" box in my email, I came across this letter, whose recipient I am blacking out in respect and hope. This was a situation that I came from feeling like I had done something wrong, and I second-guessed my words and actions. In reading this now, I see I was not in the wrong. Six months to figure that out.

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for discussing the problem of sexual abuse in the SDA church with me during a very busy time in your day. I felt, however, that we were talking about two different things.

To summarize what I saw you talking about:

You were trying to help me as an individual, obviously within a short span of time, and giving me advice on what I should do on a personal level.

What I was trying to talk about:

Institutional inertia within the Adventist church and lifting some of the burden I have had to tell my story and live my abuse over and over. I am not looking for help in my personal life. Although it is obvious I need that, I have it from my husband, counselor, and various mentors. I'm looking for a meeting of individuals within the church for nonviolent, extreme change in the beauracracy to help those who have already been victimized and those who will be if we remain silent. I have found myself with the burden of speaking out alone, and going this awful path alone. I am looking at being sued for a simple phrase and because I'm speaking out. I face this alone, without help from old friends from the church.

In the Catholic church, the Voice of the Faithful was formed to create action among the true church, the parishioners. I hope for something like that to rise up amongst Adventist laypeople, so the burden does not rest entirely upon abuse victims who already find each and every day a struggle and find it difficult in the extreme to be sued and made pariah.

I'm begging for help in creating a group of faithful Adventists (which I am not) who will lobby tirelessly for those who have been raped, sodomized, and otherwise painfully hurt within the SDA church. I no longer have the ties to create this, nor do I have the energy. On top of that I'm not a leader, I'm a writer. I'm asking for you to use your admirable ties to help find that leader of lobbyists. I don't think you're the leader, and I understand if you don't feel a "calling" to throw yourself into this but I'm asking that you send out antennaes to inform and discover within your sphere of influence and friends, or at least find the friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a future leader, someone who is able and willing to give their life in organizing and prodding this cause to fruition.

All of this is extremely difficult to talk about, but I wanted to affirm you and thank you for reaching out to me within the frame of time given. I'm sorry you've been hurt as badly as you've been and thankful that you've found hope where you have. I truly am happy for you though your path will likely not be my path and I hope you can respect that.

Yours,
Michelle Durham

Unsurprisingly, I never got an answer.

Nothing. Nada.