I'm so embarrassed about how much weight I've gained.
I've had issues with food my whole life. I was stick-skinny as a baby--up to second grade when I was 9 and when I think the whole thing happened. (The actual timeline eludes me.)
I was chubby for the next 6 years when I went on a diet, and was a normal weight up till I went to Milo, where I became bulimic. I've struggled with that and gone up and down like crazy.
My smallest was when a guy I loved very much broke up with me and my biggest when I was with an abusive boyfriend.
Now I'm pushing "heaviest." I gained about 20 pounds while in the lawsuit, and then gained even more in 2009. I feel so badly about myself, and I don't even know where to start to make myself healthy again. At least I'm no longer bulimic.
As Potok writes,
start at the beginning.
2 comments:
Stress really puts our bodies in this "eat eat eat because the famine is coming!" mode. The last month and a half before leaving the movement I lost twenty lbs. and in the next year gained fifty lbs. or so. So now I am heavier than I ever have been; even in my early teens when I was obese; although I am taller now I still need to get rid of at least thirty. And like you, I have no idea where to start...for me it's like staring up at some mountain or hill; how in the world will we get up there? I think perhaps it might help to stop imagining the journey and picture the view from the top.
Awww.
I got your last letter, thanks for it. I've really been in a funk, I've been not responding to everyone.
The way you describe losing weight it kind of reminds me of Yellowstone. Robert and I backpacked down the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone, and I'm terrified of heights. He had to coax me every step of the way. At the end, oh my goodness, it was so beautiful. We had to cross a river to get to the campsite, and it was perhaps the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. We were so tired we stayed in our hammocks eating craisins until 3 in the afternoon the next day and bathed in a hot stream next to the river. So perfect.
Now THERE'S reason to lose some weight. Robert's promised to go on a two week backpacking trip with me when I get back to my Yellowstone weight. :) So what you said is really perfect.
It's nice to hear from you. I hope all is well.
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