I've had a very frustrating last few days. What I do when I'm frustrated is zone out. Right now it is my video game which allows me to do that.

But then I ignore everything else, which is problematic. Especially when I'm in school. I was a week and a half ahead so I could concentrate on Guatemala when I got there, so I'm still going strong. I'll be okay. But I'm back on the hamster track.

I've done alot of thinking about where I want to go with my writing. Watching friends of mine go through hard times when their works become famous, and knowing how personal and psychological my writing is, I don't really want to put it out there anymore. At least not in my name.

I don't want people to know who I am. I want to hide. I guess some creative work which plushes out my resume in applying for work or graduate school would be nice, but the stuff that really belongs to me, I want it to stay that way.

You may also have noticed that I've stopped writing so much about sex abuse in the SDA church. Aside from wanting to blow my brains out every time I think about it or talk about it, I want to be known as me. Just me. Or even not known. Anonymity is precious. I could certainly handle pulling my blinds and becoming a hermit in Montana. Like the una-bomber, eh? (except, without the killing/hurting people part.)

Regardless, I'll keep talking about it. The church won't get to put me under the carpet. I'm still here. I'll be here for as long as there is an issue of church irresponsibility, cover ups and treating victims badly.